God found men to be wicked, and really, can you blame him? In a bout of self-loathing for his own wretched creations, the big guy decided to throw a temper tantrum and cry until his tears flooded the world and killed everything off.
Except Noah. Noah was chill.
Because Noah was God's homie, God gave the dude instructions on how to build in ark in order to survive the waterworks, and gave him the incredibly daunting task of collecting two of every animal, one with a penis and one with a vagina (and here I go bringing my gender politics into issues regarding beetles of all things) so that once God was done crying they could all do the hanky panky and repopulate the earth. Cool stuff. So Noah did just that, though the unicorns ended up missing the ark and dying. What a shame.
God cried for 40 days and 40 nights because he was listening to his favorite sad songs on repeat, and Noah was apparently 600 years old when this happened? What the heck, why would they put that detail in. Anyways. Noah and his family all piled into the ark along with the delightfully smelly animals and chilled out. (I get the feeling that Noah was the type of guy to have those obnoxious family stick figure stickers on the back of his ark.)
Eventually, God stopped crying, and after Noah sent out some bird emissaries to scope the scene (no, it's still wet as heckie, Noah) the ark was on top of a mountain. This sounds like it has potential for a really kickass rock album cover.
Then God made a covenant with Noah and Noah got smashed.
An animal that fascinates me is sHAAAAARKS
SHAAA AA RKS . SHAA AR K S !!! SHA AA RKS
SHAAAAAAAAAAAAARKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
do i even need to explain why sharks are awesome because i think we all know why sharks are awesome. theyre adorable and badass and cool and theyre so important and necessary to not just our oceans but LIFE ITSELF theyre SO CRUCIAL AND DARLING and wow i wanna kiss all the sharks . i just
i wanna smooch em. smooch da sharks
here is a picture of a mermaid smooching a shark this is ideal. this is what i want to be . this is what i need
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