puppets are kinda scary but childbirth is scarier

alright so isaac, abrohams son, had some kids
*movie trailer narrator voice* this... is their story
isaac was a pretty old fricker to be havin newborn kids when he diddly doo'd with his wife, rebekah, at the age of 40
however, rebekah couldnt get pregnant and isaac was just like 'please god let me have kids' and god was like 'okay okay geez' and BAM rebekah had two lil parasites squirmin around in her womb
and she started whining about it (being pregnant sucks, i cant blame her) and god basically told her
"listen lady
you have two ENTIRE NATIONS inside of you, thats why this hurts so much
but naw seriously when u give birth to these kids, theyre gonna start two very different peoples and one groups gonna be stronger than the other and the older ones gonna serve the younger one and its gonna be so WHACK"
and yeah just like god said rebekah had twins
one of em came out all red like... a hairy garment??? what kind of description is that that just sounds so gross
anyways this was esau
then, grabbin his brothers heel, jacob popped out
the end
childbirth is awful

uh i honestly dont have anything in terms of a birthright??? technically im . not even supposed to be alive cuz i was born waaaay earlier than i was supposed to be so i guess my LIFE is my birthright, hell yeah !!!!
i also had a very small stuffed bear that chilled out with me in the hospital

i dont know what else to say so heres a stupid homestuck related comic about dave eventually inheriting his brothers empire of dubiously safe for work puppets (booty is his birthright)

this is what a blog post SHOULD be
you plebes dont underSTAND

(its okay i hate me too)